When One of You Is Unsure
Discernment Counseling in Brooklyn, NY
For couples deciding whether there is still work to be done in the relationship, with a third person in the room to make sure you are both heard.
- Free 15-minute consultation
- Online anywhere in New York State
- Typically four to six sessions
Discernment Counseling When the Relationship Itself Is the Question
By the time a couple considers discernment counseling, there is often enough tension or pain between you that it is hard to get very far in a conversation. One of you may be ready to keep trying while the other has started to step back.
A third person in the room can be especially helpful at a moment like this. My role is to make sure each of you is heard, as an individual and as a couple, while we work out together whether there is still work to be done or whether it is time to move along.
Who Discernment Counseling Is For
- One of you is leaning out while the other wants to keep trying
- Conversations about the future stall before they get anywhere
- Trust has been shaken and the way forward is unclear
- You are unsure whether couples therapy makes sense right now
- You want to decide about the relationship with care, away from the heat of an argument
If one of these is yours, the first conversation is free. Request a consultation
How Discernment Therapy Works
Four to Six Weekly Sessions
The process typically needs four to six weekly sessions before we can determine which way to go. The frame is short by design: long enough to understand what is happening between you, and contained enough that the decision does not drift for months.
If There Is Still Work to Do
Sometimes discernment shows that there are steps not yet taken that could revive the relationship. In that case we can do that work together, moving into couples therapy with a shared decision behind it.
If It Is Time to Move Along
Sometimes it becomes clear that you have enough information to know it is time to move along. Ending a relationship with care, after each of you has been heard, is also a good outcome of this work.
Discernment Counseling and Couples Therapy
Couples therapy begins once both partners have decided to work on the relationship. Discernment counseling comes before that decision, when whether to keep going is itself the open question. The sessions are fewer and stay focused on that one question, so neither of you is asked to commit to months of work you are unsure about.
If you both already know you want to stay and work on things, my page on couples therapy and marriage counseling describes that work, and our free consultation can help you choose between the two.
How to Begin
- Request a consultationChoose a time that suits you, online.
- A free 15-minute conversationWe talk about where you both are and whether discernment counseling is the right fit.
- Four to six weekly sessionsOnline, from anywhere in New York State, until the way forward is clear.
In Their Words
We came to Avi because we felt trapped in arguments that would end with neither of us feeling understood. Avi has helped us better understand ourselves and each other, which has had a meaningful impact on the quality of our relationship. We feel more trusting and appreciative of one another and experience less escalation during times of conflict.
About Avi Steinhardt, LCSW
I am Avi Steinhardt, a licensed clinical social worker and certified Gestalt therapist with over 20 years of clinical experience. Much of my practice is couples therapy, and I bring the same attention to couples who are still deciding whether to continue.
You can read more about Avi and this practice, or about rebuilding trust in a relationship.
Discernment Counseling FAQs
What is discernment counseling?
How many sessions does discernment counseling take?
How is discernment counseling different from couples therapy?
What if one of us is leaning out?
What happens after discernment counseling?
Is discernment counseling available online?
Do you take insurance?
Begin Discernment Counseling
I begin with a free 15-minute consultation - a conversation to understand where you both are and whether discernment counseling is the right fit.
Online, anywhere in New York State.
Request a Private ConsultationRequest a Private Consultation
You don't need the words ready. Share a little about what's bringing you here, and I'll be in touch personally.
In Their Words
My husband and I found Avi when we were in a dark place. Avi was thoughtful, patient with us - and funny!
My husband and I found Avi when we were in a dark place. Avi was thoughtful, patient with us - and funny! We didn't know what we were looking for, but we found a fellow artist. He's so soulful, and he has this magical ability to help you unwind yourself. For that, we're grateful. We've asked him to work with our teenagers, family members, even friends. He's truly singular.
Since working with Avi, I've grown into the person I want to be - more self-aware, confident, and in touch with my needs.
Since working with Avi, I've grown into the person I want to be - more self-aware, confident, and in touch with my needs. He's truly exceptional, and working with him has been a gift!
Avi Steinhardt was an amazing counselor for myself and my family. His kind understanding, and knowledge helped me.
Avi Steinhardt was an amazing counselor for myself and my family. His kind understanding, and knowledge helped me get through a very stressful part of my life, being a single mom.
When I speak with Avi, I feel more than heard. His patience has allowed that enlightenment to occur organically.
When I speak with Avi, I feel more than heard. His patience has allowed that enlightenment to occur organically, and though the positive impact on my life has been nothing short of massive, the process has always felt simple, human, and caring.
Avi has helped us better understand ourselves and each other, which has had a meaningful impact on our relationship.
We came to Avi because we felt trapped in arguments that would end with neither of us feeling understood. Avi has helped us better understand ourselves and each other, which has had a meaningful impact on the quality of our relationship. We feel more trusting and appreciative of one another and experience less escalation during times of conflict.