The Relationship as the Instrument
Relational Therapy in Brooklyn
Depth-oriented relational therapy, online across New York State, for people who understand their patterns and go on living them.
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photo by Avi Steinhardt
Relational Therapy Treats the Relationship as the Instrument
You are in a relationship with me while you describe your other ones. That live one carries the same patterns, arriving as they happen rather than as you remember them. Relational therapy takes it as the working material.
Underneath sits an idea about what a person is. Identity lives at the edges, where you meet the world - other people, work, the city, the day itself - and it is still being made there. So the way you are with another person is you, happening, close enough to work with.
photo by Avi Steinhardt
How Relational Therapy Works in the Room
We talk about your life. We also stay close to what is moving between us while we talk: a change in pace, the place where you get careful, the thing that is easier to say sideways. Relational therapy techniques come down to that quality of attention.
A pattern that shows up here can be worked with here, in the moment, with another person present. That is where understanding turns into a different experience. I am a participant in it: what I bring is clinical training and real care about the person in front of me, and both are in the room with you.
For anyone carrying relational wounds, a steady and respectful relationship becomes a working model of what a good one feels like from the inside, and something to reach for outside the room. The pace stays yours throughout.
What Relational Therapy Helps With
People come to this work in crisis, in longing, and sometimes because something already good could go deeper. Every session is online, anywhere in New York State.
- Relationships that follow the same arc with different people
- Feeling unknown by the people closest to you
- Relationship anxiety - the watchfulness that arrives ahead of anything going wrong
- Enmeshment, and the difficulty of finding where you end
- Anxious attachment, and the pull between too close and too far away
- Boundaries that go missing, or harden into a wall
- Relational trauma - early relationships that taught you closeness costs something
What changes tends to be specific. Boundaries that hold and stay warm. The experience of being seen, and letting it land. Most of it arrives gradually, and other people tend to notice before you do.
How I Work as a Relational Therapist
I am Avi Steinhardt, a licensed clinical social worker. My work draws on Gestalt therapy and relational psychodynamic approaches. Gestalt holds us in the present - what is happening right now in the body, in the room, at every point of contact with this moment. The psychodynamic side takes the long view: depth therapy, and what formed you, given the time and the safety for it to surface.
Every session is held online, anywhere in New York State.
You can read more about Avi and this practice, and how gestalt, humanistic and existential therapy fit together.
The relational therapy described here is individual work. For two partners working on their relationship together, there is couples and relationship therapy, where relational work is the whole method.
Common Questions
What is a relational therapist?
Is relational therapy the same as relationship therapy for couples?
I have tried CBT. Is this different?
Does relational therapy help with relationship anxiety and attachment patterns?
Can relational therapy help with relational trauma?
Do you offer relational therapy online?
Do you take insurance?
Begin Relational Therapy
I begin with a free 15-minute consultation - a short conversation about what keeps repeating for you, and whether this work feels right.
Limited availability. Online, anywhere in New York State.
Request a Private ConsultationRequest a Private Consultation
You don't need the words ready. Share a little about what's bringing you here, and I'll be in touch personally.
In Their Words
My husband and I found Avi when we were in a dark place. Avi was thoughtful, patient with us - and funny!
My husband and I found Avi when we were in a dark place. Avi was thoughtful, patient with us - and funny! We didn't know what we were looking for, but we found a fellow artist. He's so soulful, and he has this magical ability to help you unwind yourself. For that, we're grateful. We've asked him to work with our teenagers, family members, even friends. He's truly singular.
Since working with Avi, I've grown into the person I want to be - more self-aware, confident, and in touch with my needs.
Since working with Avi, I've grown into the person I want to be - more self-aware, confident, and in touch with my needs. He's truly exceptional, and working with him has been a gift!
Avi Steinhardt was an amazing counselor for myself and my family. His kind understanding, and knowledge helped me.
Avi Steinhardt was an amazing counselor for myself and my family. His kind understanding, and knowledge helped me get through a very stressful part of my life, being a single mom.
When I speak with Avi, I feel more than heard. His patience has allowed that enlightenment to occur organically.
When I speak with Avi, I feel more than heard. His patience has allowed that enlightenment to occur organically, and though the positive impact on my life has been nothing short of massive, the process has always felt simple, human, and caring.
Avi has helped us better understand ourselves and each other, which has had a meaningful impact on our relationship.
We came to Avi because we felt trapped in arguments that would end with neither of us feeling understood. Avi has helped us better understand ourselves and each other, which has had a meaningful impact on the quality of our relationship. We feel more trusting and appreciative of one another and experience less escalation during times of conflict.